Josh's Promise

Before I even got sick I would always tease Josh about him getting himself  a new wife. He's always told me that he doesn't want another wife that I'm the only one he wants and if he can't have me for any reason then he will be a bachelor for life. That makes me sad. Especially now when reality sets in and it could be an option. I made him promise me last night that if something does happen to me that he would get a new woman in his life. At first, he was hesitant (probably thinking I was trying to trap him). He was upset that I talk like that. I said to him that I may not die from cancer but I could be in a car accident tomorrow. You never know what life has in store for you. In a perfect world everyone would live to a ripe old age and be blessed with lots of love. But in 2010 I lost a lot of friends and have realized that is not an option.

So the promise was made, mostly through my tears that he would find himself someone else to love if it comes down to that. It's not fair to him that he would have to spend the rest of his life alone. He is an amazing man who deserves to be happy. He has really stepped up through my diagnosis and treatment that I know I would want him to always be happy. He deserves it. Not only does does deserve to be happy but I believe he deserves to have someone to share his life with. He deserves to have a woman that he can be best friends with, compassionate with, intimate with, a woman that will make him happy if I'm not there to do the job.

I also believe that my children deserve to have a new mom in their lives. They didn't make the choice to have their mom go through all of this. It's not fair for the kids to have to go through this at all. My children deserve to have a woman in their life that will teach them everything a mom would teach you throughout your life. If there was no woman in their dad's life then they wouldn't have that either.

I'm not saying that I want Josh to go out and find a woman to replace me as soon as possible but I also don't want him to be alone for an extended period. He is an amazing man and I want him to be happy.  So if I die from cancer or if I get in a car accident or if I get caught in a cattle stampede I want someone to make sure Josh follows through with his promise. Not only does he deserve happiness but so do my children. I want the best for them all and if I can't be here to make sure that happens I want another woman to step in and make it happen for them.