I've started to loose my hair within the last two days. It's coming out in clumps. At first I had a mental breakdown and bawled my eyes out. I knew it was coming but it was still hard to see clumps of your hair in your hands. Josh, the incredible man he is, was there for me. He told me that for all I know I may enjoy being bald so much that I may choose to shave my head once my hair does start to grow back. I laughed at this and asked him how he would feel to be married to the bald lady by choice.
Today I lost a fairly large amount of hair and I put it in the trash can. Kaitlyn must of saw this and asked my mom what it was. My mom told her that I was loosing my hair because I'm sick. Josh and I weren't here at the time to help answer her questions but Mom did a pretty good job of it. I've told Kaitlyn that Mommy has cancer and that means I'm sick but I don't know if she fully understands. Josh and I sat down with her again tonight and told her that Mommy is sick and the medicine that she has to take is going to make her loose her hair. We joked a little and said that I would have a bald head like Daddy. She wrinkled her nose at that. She wanted to have the bathtub cleaned out before she'd get in it tonight because she said the hair was disgusting. (Not clumps just a few strands) Josh jumped on her for saying that. I think he doesn't want to upset me but I told him that it is disgusting that Mommy is loosing her hair and its okay for Kaitlyn to feel that way.
So hair.....do I need it? No. Would I like to have it? Yes. Will I eventually get it back? Yes. In the meantime am I going to wear wigs? I don't know. For right now maybe I'm still in denial, maybe I'm not ready to take the next step but I'm not ready to shop for hats, I'm not ready to shop for wigs. I'm not ready to loose my hair. But reality is setting in and it sucks.
Someone make me a promise though. If I ever tell you that I like my bald head and I plan on shaving it bald once my hair grows back DON'T let me do it!! Take the clippers away!
LOL...Angie you just made me laugh. Yes loosing your hair is very emotional. I remember bawling too and finally told Lisa to cut it off. So many emotions you will go through. I was so mad, then sad, scared and finally realized that cancer was not going to define my life. I'm not trying to tell you how to feel, just that your not alone. Your family, friends and God will help you get through this. Don't let the statistics scare you. You are a strong woman and will beat this. Praying for you and your family
ReplyDeleteJulie Miller