Friday, June 10, 2011

God, can you Hear ME?

I feel as I have been chastised by family for every negative word that has come out of my mouth but hey lets be real here! I have cancer and no matter how much I fight I'm not the one who has control over this. God, can you hear me? I don't want to die and I'm not sure if you are there? I have two small kids who need me to be here for them and I feel like that no matter how hard I fight you'll be the one at the end saying yay or nay. Please here me????

1 comment:

  1. You have every right to feel the way you do & you have every right to express yourself...which you should do for your own sanity.

    However, you have to realize that you're only going to beat this with equal parts of drugs, family, faith, and positivity! Reality is perception so fake it until you feel it?!?

    I can't fathom what you're going thru and I can't pretend to know what to say...but this is your experience so there is no right or wrong way to handle it or your feelings.

    You're such an amazing woman! You have cancer and you're still more worried about your entire family...and of course your munchkins! Well take it from me as a kid who saw a sick parent...

    Yes, it's confusing at the time with not really understanding what's going on and no one really telling you. You can see and sense fear in adults but yet they keep telling you everything is going to be okay. The mixed signals only further the confusion, but you're a kid, so you do what kids do....you live...play...have fun...smile...and miss your sick parent!

    I'm sure Kaitlyn will be a little scared when mommy starts looking sick. I was scared of my dad when he came home from the hospital the first night, but guess what, he was still my dad and that never changed!

    My suggestion, you obvioulsy can't give them the cold hard facts, but don't make the mistake of thinking they don't understand. Phrase it in a way that will make sense to them without creating too much anxiety....and then let them express "their" feelings just like you do with your blogg.

    There's not a right or wrong way to express yourself, but I promise the anxiety of no one telling them, everyone acting like it's okay, and no one wanting to talk about it with them....will cause way more stress. Funny how this applies to the way you're feeling as well?!?

    Hang in there sister, you're freaking tough and I know you can beat this hands down! Oh yes, you're allowed to have bad days...but just make sure you have more good ones that bad, k?

    I love you! I almost forgot, I turned out okay didn't I?!? Don't answer that :)

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